Cartoons Schmartoons.

Alright people. I’ve had it with the cartoons. Sure, I found them quite entertaining as a youngster. And even in the recent past, I’ve been known to watch Olivia or Charlie and Lola with a big smile on my face. Yes, I know these animated thrill rides are aimed for the toddler and preschooler, not us Moms. But make them a little realistic, wouldja?!

Today, I rolled my eyes at the ever-lovable Mickey Mouse. Bless his heart. He tries to promote problem solving skills, counting, learning your colors, etc. But I shouted at the TV, “Mickey, you can’t attach a plane propeller with a glue stick! And you can’t get a hot air balloon out of the sky by weighing it down with a baby elephant! You moron!”

I did the same thing to The Wonder Pets. On every episode, that poor guinea pig, turtle, and duckling risk their lives to save an animal in distress. And as soon as the animal is rescued, the parents of that animal pop up out of nowhere and exclaim, “Thank you, Wonder Pets for saving my baby! I was so scared!” Well, Mama Dolphin, where were you five minutes ago when your baby was stuck in a fishing net? Huh?!

Just once, I would love to see the folks at Disney and Nickelodeon make a show for us parents. How about Dora and Boots using their map and backpack to take a stressed-out Mommy a bottle of nerve pills?! Or even a voucher for a free dinner? Or a nap?! I can hear it now…

Map: “You tell Dora to go to the pharmacy, run all the red lights in town, and knock on Mommy’s door! Say it with me: pharmacy, red lights, Mommy’s door!” and repeat it a few times for emphasis.

You think I’m joking. But in the words of Ming-Ming (the Wonder Pet duckling with a precious speech impediment), “This is sewious!”

And you thought the troll who lives under the bridge was grumpy… Obviously, he ain't got nothin' on me.